I will return to the horror of neoconservatism in America, but first, a small step in a long journey.
Like a minor pain that becomes unendurable if it goes on long enough, the cruelest question I know gets its impact from the sheer inescapableness of it. I've studied several languages, and it appears in all, with the same formula. There's even a poem (I believe, but could not confirm, by Ogden Nash):
Don't tell them about your indigestion
"How are you?" is a greeting, not a question.
But that's just the point. The person asks how I am, but I must, regardless of language or culture, respond, "Fine" (or "Gut" or "Khorosho" or whatever). My Russian instructor was shocked when I asked how to say "Badly"; she finally lied to me and said "Nichevo," which means "nothing." I did a little research. She was quite upset when in a future class I responded, "Plokho." The Japanese take it a step further. The question is "You're well?" (Genki desu ka?), or even "You're well, right?" (Genki desu ne?), and of course the only acceptable answer is "Hai, genki. X-san wa?" (Yes, I'm well. And you?).
I have been told many times that to say anything else is rude. I've also been told many times that to refuse to ask the question is also rude because asking demonstrates caring about others. Caring? Excuse me? What it demonstrates is
not caring, that the person whose welfare is supposedly being asked after damn well better keep their place in the herd or else. The question pretends to care about how a person feels, but if the person gives anything but the answer that makes the questioner feel good, the respondent is punished severely. It would be more caring not to underscore the person's lack of value in the questioner's eyes.
It seems a small thing, but in my quest to reintroduce compassion into American culture, I would ask you to consider how this question grates on those who are struggling, who are not well, have not been well for a long time, and may never, in fact, be well, no matter how hard they try. Find some other phrase to use for a greeting, and save "How are you?" for when you genuinely care about the answer.
Genuinely caring every time you meet someone will be later in the program.
